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True to you : a therapist's guide to stop pleasing others and start being yourself
2024
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Summary

A Guide to the Theory and Practice of Creating Authentic Relationships

When's the last time you felt as composed as you portray to your boss, family and friends? If there's a discord between the two, you're not alone. Humans are master pretenders--we often seem stronger, calmer and more mature than we really are, while the truth is we're full of doubts and self-criticism that pushes us to borrow reassurance from friends, beliefs from strangers on the internet, or attention that, in the moment, makes us feel successful, but leaves us totally hollow and burnt out.

True to You is a relatable self-help guide for people who want to learn to live less focused on others' reactions and more confidently by their own principles. Readers will learn how to:

· Interrupt relationship patterns that keep you stuck.
· Rely less on praise and approval from others.
· Develop a solid sense of self in anxious times.
· Build more authentic and rewarding relationships.

Dr. Smith uses examples from the lives of her therapy clients to explain how we borrow confidence, calmness, and beliefs from our relationships and offers actionable steps and exercises for building a life with your own best-thinking. With a healthy dose of humor, she unpacks the basics of Bowen Family Systems Theory and science of our social nature, explaining why we try so hard to be what others want us to be and how we can start living from the inside out. By learning how to be more responsible for yourself, rather than over-responsible for everyone else, you can find the freedom to develop richer relationships, pursue what's important to you, and feel steadier in this very anxious world.

Table of Contents
Introduction1
Part IThe Relationship Patterns that Keep us Stuck
1How We Lose Ourselves13
2The Cost of Keeping People Happy30
3How We End up Borrowing Our Beliefs49
4How We End up Overfunctioning for Others67
5How We End up Underfunctioning90
6The Ways We Distance from Others107
7How We End up Blaming Others129
Part IIHow We Find Ourselves
8Ending the Chase for Approval and Attention153
9Learning to Let People Surprise Us168
10Becoming More Responsible for Ourselves186
11Building Stronger Relationsships206
12Learning to Evaluate Ourselves223
13Finding the Courage to Take a Position241
Conclusion: The Challenges We Face256
Growing Questions263
Bowen Questions269
Acknowledgments271
Notes273
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